


Not Giving Up

by owlways_and_forever



Category: The Good Doctor (TV 2017)
Genre: 03x20, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Canon Divergence, F/M, Fix-It, Fluff, Melendaire, Melendaire Monday, Neil Melendez Lives
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-21
Updated: 2020-04-29
Packaged: 2021-03-01 23:20:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,995
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23775244
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/owlways_and_forever/pseuds/owlways_and_forever
Summary: With Neil going into septic shock, Claire is desperate to try anything that might save him. Now she just has to convince Dr. Lim to do the same, and see if her gamble will pay off.Starts after the conversation about religion.
Relationships: Claire Browne/Neil Melendez
Comments: 38
Kudos: 89





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I have very little medical knowledge, so I'm skipping right over the surgical bit. This is just a short, quickly written little one shot because I just finished s3 last night, and I just cannot deal with that. I'm sure there will be more Melendaire to come though, because I desperately need them.

“Claire, he’s got  _ severe _ sepsis,” Audrey commented, her expression beyond sad. “Even if he did recover, he’d be immunocompromised. He’d never be allowed back in an OR.”

“‘He’d be  _ alive _ ,” Claire protested, desperation creeping into her voice. “Dr. Lim, are you really going to deny him a life-saving procedure just because his quality of life  _ might _ decrease?”

Audrey hesitated, trying to figure out what she would do if this were any other patient. What if it was a stranger? It was too hard to imagine. What if it were Andrews? Or someone who wasn’t so deeply entrenched in her heart? But it was no good, she just couldn’t untangle her feelings for Neil. 

“Please, Dr. Lim, just let me take it to Melendez and see if he wants it,” Claire pleaded. “If I talk to him…”

“No,” Audrey interjected firmly. She pulled the resident aside, to a miraculously empty patient’s room. She dropped her voice, no longer speaking as Chief of Surgery, but woman to woman. “Claire, he will do  _ anything  _ you ask him to, even if it’s not in his best interest. He won’t care, he’ll do what you say without batting an eye. You have to know how he feels about you.”

“I…” Claire stammered, not sure how to answer that. Being in love with your boss was awkward enough, but it was even more so when his ex-girlfriend was  _ his  _ boss and the one standing in front of you arguing about how to save his life.

“It’s okay,” Audrey soothed. “It doesn’t bother me. I care about him immensely, but it’s different with you.  _ He’s  _ different. It’s fine, I’m not in love with him. But you are, Claire, and that means you can’t be impartial about this. You’ll do anything to save him, and he’ll agree to anything to make you happy. That’s dangerous.”

“Then you talk to him about it,” Claire bargained, not giving up that easily.

“Frankly, I don’t think I’m impartial enough,” she replied, fixing Claire with a wry frown as she considered the options carefully. This was the hardest part of being Chief, putting aside your feelings to make big decisions. “Murphy just got back to the hospital. Tell him your idea and have him pitch it to Melendez.  _ Without you in the room. _ If Neil consents I’ll get Andrews to do the surgery.”

Claire opened her mouth to protest, but Audrey cut her off.

“I can’t do it, Claire, I just can’t. Andrews may not be as good as me, but he’s still a damn good surgeon,” she said, attempting a joke.

Claire nodded and scurried away, on a mission to find Shaun as fast as possible. Time was of the essence, after all. 

o . o . o

She sat in the chair reserved for family and friends, bouncing her leg up and down, elbows on her knees and her chin resting on her clasped hands. Waiting was agony, and she needed it to be over. She needed to know, one way or another, what was going to happen. But mostly she needed him to be alive.

Claire’s eyes flicked from his body, laying complacent on the bed, to the monitors that were beeping his vitals. Still no change. Which was good, because he wasn’t dead. But he wasn’t awake yet either. 

She lost track of how long she had been sitting there, waiting for Neil to wake up. Exhausted, she was beginning to drift in and out of consciousness, not quite sleeping, but not entirely aware of the room around her either. She didn’t see his eyes flutter open, just narrow enough to see her figure sitting there, holding a vigil, the rosary she’d gotten for him tightly clasped in her fingers.

“Geez, you’d think I was dying or something,” Neil quipped, his voice barely a whisper.

Claire’s eyes snapped up, meeting his and taking in his full, conscious state. He had the ghost of a smile on his lips, and his eyes were hinting at their usual sparkle. Neil was awake, and his vitals were still good. She felt like hyperventilating and crying with happiness. He was going to be alright. She stood, hands still clasped in front of her face, tears building up in her eyes.

“Hey, come here,” he beckoned, his tone soothing.

Claire obediently crossed the little room until her thighs bumped against the hospital bed’s mattress. She wanted nothing more than to curl up next to him and rest her head on his shoulder, sob her relief into his papery gown. Neil reached for her as much as he was able, only strong enough to lift his arm a few inches from the bed, but Claire caught his hand in one of her own, sitting down softly on the edge of the bed.

“Thank you,” he croaked, his throat still raw and dry from the surgery. “Shaun told me it was your idea.”

“Thank you for doing it,” she whispered in reply. Suddenly, Claire felt overcome with guilt. Had she been selfish to insist on this procedure? He was alive but it might have changed his whole life, and not for the better. “You might not be able to operate again though.”

“I know,” Neil replied, nodding slightly, the oxygen tube bunching under his chin at the motion. “But there are worse things.”

“Yeah? Like what?” she sniffed, having trouble believing that there could be anything worse for him than a life on the sidelines. 

“Like never telling your friend that you’re completely in love with her,” he said, his eyes flicking up to the ceiling as if he was asking god to give him the courage to say what he needed to. Or maybe he was just in pain, his abdomen had been carved open hours earlier, after all.

Claire tamped down any hope she felt at the statement. He had, after all, stopped her when she’d tried to tell him about her feelings earlier in the night. Why else if not to save her the embarrassment of confessing her love to someone who didn’t reciprocate? Even if it had saved his life, she was still a fool for falling in love with her boss.

“Claire?” he asked, looking at her significantly as his voice pulled her out of her thoughts. “Was ‘friend’ too vague? Should I have said ‘star resident’ instead?”

Well there was absolutely no way he was talking about Morgan.

“Me?” Her voice failed her, but it didn’t matter. He understood.

“Yeah, you,” he whispered, a shy smile appearing. “I love you, Claire.”

“Ohthankgod,” she breathed, her body relaxing a little at his words. “I love you too.”

“I know,” he answered, confident in a way that only Neil could be. “Why else would you try so hard to save me?”

It was meant to be a joke, but they both knew there was some element of truth to it. She loved him so much that she just couldn’t let him go. She smiled and snuggled in next to him, encouraged by his words and his prognosis. After that night, she just wanted to hang onto him and never let go.

“Claire?” Neil said hesitantly, brushing his nose softly against her forehead and following the touch with a gentle kiss over the same spot.

She craned her neck to look at him, smiling at him to prompt him further.

“When I get out of here, I don’t want to take things slow.” His expression was thoughtful and sincere, conveying that he meant every word he said with utter certainty. “I don’t mean physically, that’s… I’ll follow your lead, and there’s no rush there. Hell, my doctor may not clear me for much exertion for a while.” 

They both grinned at the stupid joke.

“But,” he continued, “I don’t want to hide things or take it one day at a time or anything like that. Which is maybe stupid, given how many relationships I’ve killed in this hospital. But I know you’re different, Claire, and I… I just want to be with you.”

“You sound like you’re about to propose,” she teased, mostly because she wasn’t used to hearing him take that tone. Sure of what he wants, but nervous how she might react. 

“If I had a ring, I might be tempted,” he replied, laughing a little. “But you can go ahead and take the spare apartment keys that are in my office, because I want you there as much as you want to be. Always, if I’m really honest.”

“That sounds nice,” Claire answered, fighting a yawn.

Despite her desire to stay awake and continue their conversation, exhaustion was finally catching up with her now that the adrenaline had worn off. She wriggled a little bit until she was lying on her side, her arm draped over his chest so that her hand could curl around the far side of his neck, and one leg resting gently on top of his. Neil slid his arm beneath her ribs, wrapping it around her waist so he could hold her tight as she dropped her head against his chest, savouring the feel of his heart beating.

“Get some sleep, Claire. I love you,” he whispered, even as she was already drifting off into a dreamland, and he pressed a kiss into her curls, breathing deeply. He was more than content holding her like that, falling back asleep with her small frame clinging to him. 

Dr. Lim appeared in the doorway to check on her patient, smiling at the setup she found. Quietly, she backed away, sliding the glass door just so that the couple wouldn’t be disturbed. They’d had a long road to get to where they were, and they would have a lot of challenges ahead of them. The least she could do was give them one night of peace, where it didn’t matter that he was an attending and she was his resident. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, well, my quickly written one-shot has rapidly turned into an MC because I can't get enough of these two adorable idiots.

_ Neil was coding.  _

_ He was lying in his bed, having a heart attack, and she could hear the machines beeping even though there were no heart monitors in his apartment. His neck was extended against the pillows, arteries popping against his skin as his muscles tensed excruciatingly. His mouth was dropped open in a silent scream. _

_ She was in the kitchen, making pasta for dinner when it happened. She dropped the wooden spoon on the floor, let the water boil over onto the stove, sizzling, and she ran to the bedroom. It seemed like it took an hour to get there, a battle to cover every inch of ground. But then she was standing over him, rolling up her sleeves to do chest compressions and hopefully regulate the pace of his heartbeats. _

_ Except she couldn’t remember the right rhythm. _

_ Was it 5 compressions or 3? There was some song that was supposed to guide her, but all she could think of was Stayin’ Alive and she knew that was wrong. Worst misconception in the world because it was false but it was also a stupidly catchy tune and the second you thought about it every other song on the planet seemed to disappear. _

_ It would have to be close enough. _

_ She folded her fingers together and placed the heels of her hand right over his heart. _

_ Ah ah ah ah stayin’ alive. _

_ The sound of the imaginary monitors was flooding her ears, distracting her. She wanted them to shut up, but she also didn’t because that would mean he was dead. And she was  _ _ not _ _ going to let that happen. _

Claire woke up, confused and sweating, tears coating her cheeks. The nightmares were frequent, taking over her subconscious almost every night. Neil had been home for almost a week, and every night he died in her dreams. Except that was exactly what confused her. He died, every night, except tonight. Tonight he was  _ dying _ , but not  _ dead. _ Why had she woken up? She never woke up in the middle of a dream. 

In her dazed, half asleep state she finally registered the feel of Neil tossing and kicking violently beside her. Oh.

She rolled over, grabbing his face with both of her hands. She really didn’t want to wake him, he needed the rest, but he was going to tear his stitches out and shred his abdomen to pieces if he kept moving like that.

“Neil,” she whispered, trying to wake him gently. Her voice didn’t seem to register with him, and she tried again, louder. “Neil!”

His eyes flipped open dramatically, wide and scared as he searched his surroundings. This was always hard. The two of them having nightmares that they didn’t want to talk about or acknowledge. At night especially, it seemed too scary to give voice to what happened inside their heads, as if that could suddenly make it real.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Claire asked, offering even though she knew the answer was going to be no.

Neil shook his head, staring up at the ceiling with tears building, and he reached out for her hand, holding it tight.

“Tell me something happy,” she demanded, knowing that distraction would be the best way to get the awful thoughts out of his head. She tried to keep her voice light and teasing. “Tell me about your tattoo, I’m dying to hear the story.”

“That’s not happy,” he croaked, his voice broken.

Well, crap. She searched her brain for anything else she could think of to ask him, but she was coming up frustratingly blank.

“About a year before you started at St. Bonaventure,” he said after a few minutes, taking a deep, steadying breath, “my dad passed away. He’d been sick for a long time - MS. He was a very pious man, and deer symbolize communication with God. But he was also stubborn and strong. A stag seemed like a fitting representation.”

Claire propped herself up on her elbow, reaching out to run her hands through his hair and smooth her thumb across his cheek, gently wiping away the tears that had gathered.

“I’m sorry about your dad,” she whispered, frowning at him. 

“I haven’t been back home since the funeral,” he admitted, swallowing hard. “I talk to my mom at least once a week, and she always comes out here for Christmas and Easter, but I just haven’t been able to go back to that house. There are so many reminders of him there.”

Claire stayed quiet, unable to even imagine what that was like. She’d lost her mom, sure, but her childhood hadn’t been filled with many tangible things, so there wasn’t much that reminded her of her mom. Other than alcohol.

“Where’s home?” she asked, realizing the extent of things they didn’t know about each other. Sure, she’d done all kinds of research on his education and professional background, but looking up his personal history had always seemed like some kind of line that shouldn’t be crossed.

“Phoenix,” he replied, looking at her with a curious expression. “We lived in the same tiny house my whole life. It was nice though. My parents spent pretty much all the money they had to raise their kids in a decent house in a good neighborhood.”

“When you talked to me about my mom…” Claire started, thinking out loud and remembering the night after Angie’s death. “Were you angry at your dad for dying?”

“Yeah,” Neil answered, nodding. “For a long time. He declined treatments, and I tried to get him into every trial I could find, but he wouldn’t do it. So yeah, I was angry at him for not fighting harder. But eventually I stopped being angry and I just missed him.”

Claire nodded next to him. She was still waiting for the anger at her mother to fade completely. 

“What’s your mom like?” she asked, changing the topic to something that was hopefully a little bit happier. Hopefully, one day Claire would meet Mrs. Melendez herself, but for now she was more than happy to listen to his stories about her.

“Mamá is a spitfire,” Neil answered, smiling wide. “She wants to take care of everyone all the time and fix every problem. She is so proud of me, and she tells me every time we talk. If she were here, she would probably tell everyone in the hospital embarrassing stories about me as a kid.”

Claire laughed, wondering what exactly Neil’s mother would have to tell.

“She’ll love you,” he said, reaching out to play with her curls. “You guys are two peas in a pod. Kind, smart, witty, beautiful.”

“So you’re saying you’ve got an oedipal complex?” Claire teased, grinning ear to ear.

“Oh yeah, big time,” he quipped sarcastically, reaching out to tickle Claire with the tips of his fingers.

She shrieked in response, curling up into a ball and trying to roll away from him, but he caught her with arms around her waist, fingers still wriggling against her skin. Claire laughed and twisted in Neil’s arms, making him laugh as well, until they were both breathless and he finally ceased the onslaught. Neil pressed kisses to her neck instead, nuzzling his nose against her skin sweetly.

“Hey, you want kids, right?” Claire asked suddenly, a thought occurring to her. “I mean, I heard that was what happened with you and Jessica. I don’t mean to pry, I just wondered…”

“Yeah,” he answered quickly, looking at her quizzically. “Do you?”

He felt his stomach pitch at the realization that her answer might be no. It hadn’t even occurred to him that she might not want kids someday, but it was entirely possible. Wracking his brain, he knew that he’d never heard her allude to wanting to be a mom. Ever. And after her own experiences with her mom, he could understand it if she had her qualms about it. But Claire nodded with a small shrug.

“Someday,” she said, smiling at him. “You would make a great dad though.”

Neil hummed, burying his face in her shoulder. After being pleasantly distracted from his own nightmares, he was getting sleepy again, and his eyes were drooping closed, eyelashes fluttering against Claire’s skin. She waited until he was asleep, and then grabbed her phone off the nightstand. She opened the app store and immediately began downloading Duolingo. She had never paid much attention until he had been talking about his mother, but the details were registering now, and she was putting the pieces together. Neil spoke Spanish at home, at least sometimes, and she was pretty sure he was going to want his future children to speak Spanish too. So if she wanted that future with him, she better get learning.

Plus, she really wanted to impress his mom.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so first off, there will definitely be at least one more chapter of this story (oops Gen turned a one-shot into a MC again) and there may be more after that, but I don't want to promise it until I know. I get the feeling that each time I write a chapter it'll just be gauging whether or not it feels 'done'. Thank you for all of your kind and wonderful comments, it's been so encouraging and I appreciate it tremendously. This chapter... it had a mind of its own, and it went where it wanted to go (which was very different from where I thought). But I think it came out nice in the end, so I hope you all like it!!

“Dr. Glassman?”

Neil paused in the doorway, one hand resting against the frame. Clad in his usual black dress pants and white button down, nobody would ever have known that he’d been on death’s door two months earlier. Unless they happened to know that his shirts usually fit a little tighter. 

Dr. Glassman looked up from his desk, where he’d been scribbling notes on a legal pad.

“Dr. Melendez,” he greeted, motioning to the chair across the desk from him. “Nice to see you up and about again. What can I do for you?”

“Do you have some time to talk?” Neil asked tentatively.

“Sure,” the hospital president replied, fixing the attending with discerning scrutiny.

Anxiously, Neil stepped into the office and closed the door behind him, taking a seat in the proffered chair. He felt uncertain, but he didn’t want to hold off until he had things figured out. Dr. Glassman had always been good to him, and Neil felt he owed the man this conversation sooner rather than later. And he really wanted to begin to move forward and put this incident behind him.

“How have you been feeling?” Dr. Glassman asked, when Neil didn’t speak up right away. Somehow the older gentleman always knew exactly what to ask to get you talking.

“Much better,” Neil answered instinctively, before amending his response. “The immunosuppressants make it hard to sleep. And I’m not as steady as I once was.”

He held a hand out in front of him, palm down, and was still for a moment before a small tremor rocked his hand like a low-magnitude human earthquake. Quickly, he dropped his hand to his lap again, folding his fingers together.

“It’s a small price to pay to be alive though.” He looked out the window, not wanting to meet his boss’ eye as he wrestled to regain composure. Despite his determination to stay positive, the tremor took a toll on his psyche every time he saw it.

“No it’s not,” Dr. Glassman whispered, sadness weighing his voice down. “You’re allowed to be upset and angry about it.”

Neil nodded, swallowing tightly as if it would help him keep his emotions down.  _ Just until you get home, Neil. Just don’t lose it at the hospital. _ He dragged his hand over his face, pulling his composure back on like a mask.

“I guess I’m here to offer my resignation,” he said, finally looking back at Dr. Glassman.

“Why?”

It was a simple statement, but it had Neil’s mind reeling. Why was he doing this? He certainly didn’t want to.

“Sir, we both know I can’t operate again,” Neil answered, forcing himself to say the words that had spun through his mind on repeat. “I’ll be on the immunosuppressants permanently, and the OR is just too risky. Not to mention the side effects… on a lower dose, I could maybe make an argument about managing the risk with extra precautions, but you know as well as I do that a tremor is the kiss of death.”

“It could go away.”

“With all due respect, sir, we both know it won’t.”

“That still doesn’t answer my question,” Dr. Glassman pressed. “Why now? Nobody is pressuring you I hope?”

“No,” Neil confirmed.

“I often pretend to be ignorant of these things, but I am aware of your connection with Dr. Browne,” Dr. Glassman continued. “This isn’t some misguided attempt to smooth things over there, is it? Because Dr. Melendez, so help me god, I do not care in the slightest about convention when it comes to interpersonal relationships. You are both consummate professionals, and I will not allow the HR department to force you out of  _ my hospital _ just because a bunch of sticks in the mud think it's improper that someone around here be happy for once!”

Neil couldn’t help but smile a little bit at the tirade. Dr. Glassman was always able to work himself up into a frenzy, getting hot under the collar without help from anyone else. But it did make him feel better that if he did stay, it would be with Dr. Glassman’s full support.

“No, it’s not that,” Neil replied, shaking his head. “I can’t continue collecting paychecks from the hospital when I know I’m never coming back. It isn’t right.”

“That’s a load of crap. You’re still on medical leave, and there’s no rush to change that.”

“I have enough money saved, I don’t need the salary,” Neil protested.

“It’s not about the salary,” Glassman said in his lilting staccato. “Insurance. You need insurance.”

Neil knew that he was right. Of course he needed insurance. He was still on seven different medications, and would be for months. Doctors visits once a week. Possible physical therapy to help with atrophied muscles. He’d managed to save a comfortable amount during his years as an attending, but the costs of all his medical care would be pushing the bounds. His pride kept insisting that he not take money he wasn’t earning, but his mind knew it was stupid.

“There are better things to use your savings on,” Dr. Glassman said, as if reading his mind. “Hoard it, if you can, weddings are expensive, and I’m sure you’ll be having one in the not too distant future.”

“I appreciate that, sir, and if there were some possibility of my returning, this would be different, but -”

“Dr. Melendez, if it is that important to you, this is what I propose,” he barrelled on. “You will take one more month of medical leave, to be sure of a full recovery. Then you will return as a consultant to the hospital. No ER, no OR, and no clinic. But you still have a great deal you can teach other doctors here, and you are a valuable diagnostician. You can keep that position until you find a new job that is satisfactory, and even part-time afterward if you want. I should be clear, this proposition is not in any way optional.”

“Okay,” Neil laughed, knowing when a battle was lost.  Still, it was oddly touching how much the older man cared, and he felt a little bit overcome with emotion. “Thank you.”

He stood and smoothed his shirt carefully, turning to leave the office.

“Dr. Melendez?”

“Yes?” he replied, turning around.

“There really is no rush,” Dr. Glassman said, sincerity oozing from his wise face. “We take care of our own here.”

“Thank you sir,” Neil answered, a more serious smile twitching across his lips. With a final nod, he ducked out of the office and strolled down the hall, debating whether or not to drop by and say a quick hello to Andrews or Lim.

o . o . o

Claire pushed open the door to Neil’s apartment to find him sitting at the kitchen island, staring at a glass of scotch. For a moment, she felt transported back in time, and all the things she used to feel when her mother relapsed came flooding back to her. Hurt, anger. But she reminded herself that this was Neil, not her mother, and he wasn’t collapsed on the floor with alcohol poisoning. Neil wasn’t an alcoholic, he was allowed to have a drink.

Except that he wasn’t. Alcohol didn’t mix well with transplants, particularly when they involved the gastrointestinal tract, so he was strictly forbidden from drinking until his medication dosages were reduced. 

Claire merely raised an eyebrow at him as she walked over to the island. He was an adult, and one with a medical degree no less. He could make his own decisions. Kissing his cheek quickly, she took a seat on the bar stool next to him with an easy, affectionate smile.

“We tell patients none because it’s easier than quantifying that one drink a day might cause rejection, but one drink a month is probably fine,” he observed with a slight smile, tipping his tumbler in her direction. 

It made her laugh a little. He was right - the line between what would and wouldn’t cause damage changed from patient to patient, and no doctor wanted to draw it in the wrong spot. Safer to just tell everyone to abstain completely. But she was a doctor, and she still had to give him a little bit of grief for it.

“So this is your one drink for the month?” she teased.

“I haven’t actually had any yet,” he countered, raising the glass off the countertop just a little.

Looking at him carefully, Claire could see a little bit of  _ something _ behind his happy exterior. She couldn’t pinpoint what it was. Neil was good at hiding his feelings when he wanted to, but she always hoped that he wouldn’t feel like he needed to hide anything from her. It stung a little bit. But she tried to be rational and remind herself that he was dealing with a lot of changes and complicated emotions, not all of which she could truly understand, no matter how much she sympathized.

“What’s going on today?” she asked, cocking her head to the side as she reached out to fix the flipped-out tag on his shirt and run her hand soothingly across his back.

“I went to see Glassman today,” he said at last, turning to look at Claire. “I offered him my resignation.”

“You did what?” she squeaked, a little bit upset that he would do something like that without at least telling her first. They might not be at the stage of making major life decisions together yet, but she would have thought that he would at least inform her of a decision he had made. She pushed aside her feelings. It wasn’t like he’d hidden this for days or weeks. 

“I tried to resign,” he repeated. “It didn’t feel right to keep accepting a paycheck when we all know I’m not going back to work there.”

“You tried? He didn’t accept it?”

“No,” Neal answered, smiling wryly. “He told me to stay on as a consultant until I find a new position. I’m not really sure how much Lim and Andrews are going to need my help - they’ve got a pretty good set of residents after all. But it’s a nice offer.”

Claire felt her mind swimming. She felt so many things, and she didn’t know where to begin to untangle them. She blinked rapidly, thinking it all through.

“Claire?” he prompted, urging her to say something. His brows furrowed as he saw her trying to tamp down her feelings and hide her thoughts from him. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”

“No, I… it’s good, I’m glad that they’re supporting you, they should do that,” she rushed, saying all the words she knew she was supposed to say and trying to smile. “And it’ll be nice to have you around the hospital again.”

But?” 

Neal quirked an eyebrow at her, but she didn’t elaborate. Instead she chewed on her bottom lip anxiously and tangled her fingers in her curls, scratching at her scalp.

“Claire, it’s okay, you can talk to me,” he assured her, fixing her with a sincere look that made her want to melt.

“I just… what does this mean for us?” she admitted. But she felt selfish as soon as the words were out of her mouth. She knew that Neil deserved nothing but loyalty and support from the hospital, and he deserved to have the time to find a new position that would make him happy, not just rush into the first job he could find. Even if his returning to the hospital did make things more complicated for them, that shouldn’t even be a thought on her radar. “I’m sorry, that’s a selfish thing to ask, I shouldn’t have said anything.”

But Neil’s expression softened, and he smiled kindly at her. 

“It’s okay, Claire, it affects you too,” he insisted. “You’re allowed to have questions and feelings about the situation, whatever they are. But to answer your question, technically I won’t be your attending anymore, so it shouldn’t be a problem.”

“Technically,” she repeated.  _ That won’t be how people see it though. _

“Glassman also assured me it’s alright, Claire, as long as we’re professional at work,” he continued. “And I don’t think that’ll be a problem, we’ve been managing it long enough.”

“You’re right,” she acquiesced, nodding and taking a deep breath, but she still didn’t relax.

“You’ve got to stop hiding your feelings from me,” Neil rebuked gently. “This is a relationship, Claire, and it’s not going to work if you don’t talk to me. The way you feel is  _ always  _ valid, and it’s always going to be important to me. I promise, I just want to make you feel better.”

“Thank you,” she whispered, taking a deep breath before forcing the words out. “That’s just it though, you shouldn’t have to comfort me right now. You’re the one whose life got turned upside down, not me. It’s so selfish, but I really just thought this was going to be straightforward and easy. It’s not that I hoped you wouldn’t come back to the hospital, I love working with you so much, but it was so convenient. I didn’t have to worry. And I really am glad that St. Bonaventure isn’t forcing you out. It’s just…”

“It’s just more complicated,” Neil completed, the corner of his mouth twitching in a smile.

“Yeah,” Claire sighed, deflating a bit.

“You’re right,” he said. “It is more complicated. But it’s not a  _ problem _ , and that’s the important thing.”

“I know,” she replied, smiling a little bit more genuinely. “I just wasn’t expecting it, I guess.”

He leaned forward, and pressed a kiss to her cheek.

“For the record,” he whispered, “you have been incredibly supportive, and it’s not selfish to have your own concerns.”

Claire nodded, and Neal stood at last, pressing another kiss to her forehead, before moving to the stove. He began pulling out ingredients to make dinner, and got to work.

“So, any thought about what kind of position you’ll look for?” Claire asked, letting go of her concerns.

“Probably teaching,” he said. “I should have enough background to join a med school staff, even if it’s not the most thrilling. I think I’ll miss having a new case every day, but I’ll still get to mentor students, which will be nice.”

“No falling in love with your students though,” she teased, and Neil turned to flash her a cheeky grin over his shoulder.

“No promises,” he quipped, winking at her.

Claire grinned back at him. Infidelity was not remotely a concern for her when it came to Neil. Every time he looked at her since the earthquake, she could feel how much he loved her and respected her.

“You should ask Dr. Glassman for help,” she said after a long moment of grinning at him like an idiot. “He’s got all kinds of connections.”

“Definitely not a bad idea,” he replied. 

Neil put the finishing touches on the pasta and dished it out into two shallow bowls, placing them down on the island and returning to his seat next to Claire. She took a bite of the delicious dish and they sat in a comfortable silence for a few minutes, before Claire spoke up. His encouragement to speak her mind had emboldened her, and she was determined to take advantage of the feeling before it flitted away.

“Have you ever thought about moving somewhere new?” she asked, looking at him with curiosity sparking in her eyes.

“Sometimes, but I’m not sure there’s anywhere else that would appeal to me,” he shrugged, looking up and trying to read her expression. “Do you think about it?”

“Yeah, I mean, my residency will be over soon,” she reasoned, “and the hospital can’t keep us all on as attendings. And I’ve never lived outside of California, so it might be nice to try somewhere new. If it weren’t for the situation, I wouldn’t think about it, but since you have to look for a new position anyway…”

She smiled shyly, trying to gauge his reaction to the idea.

“You’re right, it’s worth looking into,” Neil answered. “It might not be that easy though. I’d have to relocate Gabi with me. Not to mention trying to find positions for both of us in the same city could be a challenge, especially if we have to look for different institutions.”

“Plenty of husbands and wives work together and manage just fine,” Claire retorted without thinking. “I’m not sure we need to limit ourselves…”

She drifted off as her mind caught up and she realized her mistake. Neil smirked and raised an eyebrow, taking another bite of pasta to stop himself from laughing at her slip up.

“I didn’t mean that we…” she corrected quickly, getting flustered. “I know we’re not… I don’t expect or think...”

Neil kissed her soundly, putting an end to her stammering. He rested his hand on her waist and was tempted to pull her closer or even tug her into his lap. Instead he pulled away and smiled brightly at her.

“I like the sound of ‘husband and wife’,” he said. “One day.”

“Good,” Claire replied, blushing as she grinned. “Me too.”

They returned to eating their dinner, both feeling happy and relaxed.


End file.
